1. Intro
I am not an expert in healing nor in moving on from something. In fact, whatever the opposite of that is - that is what I am. That being said, I needed to find some healing through a traumatic time and had no idea how to do it. I read books, prayed, sought counsel, numbed my pain, addressed my pain, and anything in between those things to try and get me through to the other side. This is not a step by step guide on how to get through <insert a very specific wound> in your life in xx amount of steps kind of book. But I did want to share some things that ultimately helped get me to the other side. Or at least the door step of the other side.
I will be sharing my experience in both a vague and detailed way, addressing areas that I felt wronged, acknowledging where I could have done better, and wrapping up each chapter with some questions, a scripture, a quote, and a song that helped me process through this. Let me break down each of these and their importance in this process.
Ask the questions
Not just asking questions, but answering them. I longed for answers from people - from anyone really. I would have plopped myself at that top of sinking sand if I thought it would have yielded some answers. Often times, when I did ask other people questions, the answers were non-specific and/or covered in justifications. Other peoples answers were not going to help me.
I journal a lot. And a lot of my journals are me asking myself the questions that feel too big, too scary and finding the safe space to answer them. Those questions are for me and me alone. If I could face that giant - answering the unknown - then it wouldn't have a piece of me anymore. Let me be clear, I have never been motivated to do this process. It has always come in way of no other choice for me. This is a heavy process. One that I have NEVER regretted practicing. It is just really hard to arrive and stay in this place. So, I will ask some questions at the end of each chapter to start the process of giving you the space to ask and answer. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. But answer the questions honestly and without shame. The answers exist in you anyway - you are just giving them a place to live or die. Let's start:
Scripture
Connecting with God's word is the most powerful resource that you and I have, and it is at our disposal. It is reliant upon our own willingness to meet God where he has already spoken and to hear the truth that existed then, exists now, and will exist forever.
Hebrews 4:12 says "the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." This truth exists for us. FOR us. Not in spite of us.
Quote
I just really like quotes. It is kind of my thing. I can quickly recall a quote (more so than scripture a lot of the time). Sometimes you hear a quote and it is like it is speaking directly to your heart and your situation. That has been my experience. The quote I will start with has helped me stay connected to scripture, in the good times and in the bad.
The truth you store up in silence comes back to you in the storm. - Christine Caine
Lastly, but CERTAINLY not the least...
Song
There are so many times that words fail me. That I can feel everything I want to say, but can't find the words for it. Music heals me. Music finds me in the confusion. It helps me put words to emotions that are in a knot inside of me. There were some days that the mere thought of externally processing my thoughts would have laid me out. So I would find a worship song that resonated with that emotion or let down or confusion and I would listen to it over and over and over as the lyrics washed over me. I would write out the lyrics, often with a verse, and pray them over myself. This changed me - every time. Sometimes it gave me just enough healing to get to the next day. Sometimes it gave me incredible revelation that changed my thought process. Most days it was somewhere in between.
For years this song has been my go to. Before this situation and it will be for long after.
"Have it all" by Bethel. Here is a snippet of the words that I come back to:
I will be sharing my experience in both a vague and detailed way, addressing areas that I felt wronged, acknowledging where I could have done better, and wrapping up each chapter with some questions, a scripture, a quote, and a song that helped me process through this. Let me break down each of these and their importance in this process.
Ask the questions
Not just asking questions, but answering them. I longed for answers from people - from anyone really. I would have plopped myself at that top of sinking sand if I thought it would have yielded some answers. Often times, when I did ask other people questions, the answers were non-specific and/or covered in justifications. Other peoples answers were not going to help me.
I journal a lot. And a lot of my journals are me asking myself the questions that feel too big, too scary and finding the safe space to answer them. Those questions are for me and me alone. If I could face that giant - answering the unknown - then it wouldn't have a piece of me anymore. Let me be clear, I have never been motivated to do this process. It has always come in way of no other choice for me. This is a heavy process. One that I have NEVER regretted practicing. It is just really hard to arrive and stay in this place. So, I will ask some questions at the end of each chapter to start the process of giving you the space to ask and answer. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. But answer the questions honestly and without shame. The answers exist in you anyway - you are just giving them a place to live or die. Let's start:
- What wound(s) has brought you here? To this place, to this feeling, to this book?
- Where, in this process, has your own shame found a way in to taunt you?
- What do you hope for? Don't think small here. Be honest. It can feel strangling to speak your hopes. But SOMEONE has to speak life into them. It should be you. Write them down. Maybe one day, find the courage to share them with someone. Just give your hope some life! I will ask again. What do you hope for?
- What is one thing that you are grateful for today?
Scripture
Connecting with God's word is the most powerful resource that you and I have, and it is at our disposal. It is reliant upon our own willingness to meet God where he has already spoken and to hear the truth that existed then, exists now, and will exist forever.
Hebrews 4:12 says "the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." This truth exists for us. FOR us. Not in spite of us.
Quote
I just really like quotes. It is kind of my thing. I can quickly recall a quote (more so than scripture a lot of the time). Sometimes you hear a quote and it is like it is speaking directly to your heart and your situation. That has been my experience. The quote I will start with has helped me stay connected to scripture, in the good times and in the bad.
The truth you store up in silence comes back to you in the storm. - Christine Caine
Lastly, but CERTAINLY not the least...
Song
There are so many times that words fail me. That I can feel everything I want to say, but can't find the words for it. Music heals me. Music finds me in the confusion. It helps me put words to emotions that are in a knot inside of me. There were some days that the mere thought of externally processing my thoughts would have laid me out. So I would find a worship song that resonated with that emotion or let down or confusion and I would listen to it over and over and over as the lyrics washed over me. I would write out the lyrics, often with a verse, and pray them over myself. This changed me - every time. Sometimes it gave me just enough healing to get to the next day. Sometimes it gave me incredible revelation that changed my thought process. Most days it was somewhere in between.
For years this song has been my go to. Before this situation and it will be for long after.
"Have it all" by Bethel. Here is a snippet of the words that I come back to:
Oh, the joy I've found, Surrendering my crowns
At the feet of the King, Who surrendered everything
At the feet of the King, Who surrendered everything
And all the peace that comes, When I'm broken and undone
By Your unfailing grace, I can lift my voice and say
By Your unfailing grace, I can lift my voice and say
You can have it all, Lord, Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on, This heart that is now Yours
I hope as you read the rest of this, you ask the tough questions. I hope that you find the answers in scripture. I hope that you are reminded of your strength when you hear a familiar quote. I hope that you find inspiration and healing in song. I hope this is the start of your healing. It's a long road. It sucks, a lot. But, I promise you, the person that you end up on the others side of this will love the broken and wounded you better than you can ever imagine. Just don't wait that long to love the broken you. Start that now.
Take this life and breathe on, This heart that is now Yours
I hope as you read the rest of this, you ask the tough questions. I hope that you find the answers in scripture. I hope that you are reminded of your strength when you hear a familiar quote. I hope that you find inspiration and healing in song. I hope this is the start of your healing. It's a long road. It sucks, a lot. But, I promise you, the person that you end up on the others side of this will love the broken and wounded you better than you can ever imagine. Just don't wait that long to love the broken you. Start that now.
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